Tony Abbott has told the unemployed that they have “no right” to hold out for their dream job and should take whatever jobs they are able to do. Suddenly thousands of young people stopped masturbating as they sat in their own filth on their mothers’ couches and leapt to their feet, stepping on a pile of stale chips as they did so.
"He’s right! Oh man I’ve been such an idiot thinking NASA was going to come around and award me the role of Super-Astronaut/Space Cowboy for all this masturbating in my own filth I’ve been doing! Shit. I should actually hand out a resume instead of paying my friend in cigarettes to go into Centrelink to pretend to be me so I don’t have to move or deal with queues! Ugh. I’ve been so lazy. Thank you Prime Minister! You’ve solved all my problems! Now I can afford a third of a packet of cigarettes AND that doctor’s co-payment instead of picking one or the other!"
Then they saluted and got a job the very next day and all was well. Tony Abbott beamed with pride as he had singled handedly shamed the nation into no longer being super lazy. He high-fived Joe Hockey and together they flew off into the sky as hard rock music played in the background.
I can’t hear you over the sound of how vigorously I am masturbating wishing I was an astronaut. (Hint: it’s pretty vigorously… oh baby… space… so big… *whispers* so big).
just kinda really wanting someone to cuddle with at the moment…
I have no idea what I am doing >.>